I just got two more fackin' academic warnings yesterday, which pretty much ruined my day. I know it's stupid, but I feel so overwhelmed, like I'm being held to these impossible standards. The teacher in question mentioned in the warnings that I've met with her and the chair a few times but things have gotten worse, not better.

Um, did you ever stop to think that MAYBE hearing how much I suck on a near-daily basis is making me MORE stressed out and therefore killing my performance?

Don't tell me I suck. I already know. Just tell me what the hell I can do to NOT suck, in your eyes. Because by everyone else's standards, I'm doing quite well.

I'm taking a break from that particular prof. next semester, and I think I need it--for both my GPA and my sanity, because I am thisclose to a nervous breakdown. I even went to the counseling center on campus yesterday because I'm so stressed, and the counselor said the same thing--"Obviously you're not stupid, so you should ask your professor what's going on."

Every time I talk to her, though, she asks what I think I should do. It'd help if she'd just tell me what she wants. =/

I'm meeting with my academic adviser tomorrow, who was just as surprised by the warnings as I was. Ick. I hope I can fix this shit, because it's getting out of hand and I'm tired of losing sleep over it. I'm tired of feeling nervous and emo and on edge constantly. School should not be comparable to the ninth circle, but right now, it is.

I woke up at 5 this morning and puked my guts out. I hadn't eaten anything since 10:00 the night before, so I'm pretty sure it was stress...I almost choked on my own vomit, sorry if that grosses anyone out, but I thought I was going to die. It sucked, and now I feel shitty/shittier because my throat and sinuses hate me.

It is not my week. I just want to get at least a B in those two classes and get the fuck out for a month. I think I need a break.